Established in early 2019 as a regular humble Kakao chatroom, we later moved to an Open Kakao chatroom so that anyone could find us from the Open Kakao platform. As our little group grew into a more sizable community, we decided to launch this website in 2025 to help more folks find us and document some of our resources and community history.
Mission Statement
- Why does this group exist?
In a word, community.
We are a social network of polyamorous people and others who practice ethical non-monogamy. If you would like to see how this is defined, please see /Philosophy/ below. We strive to maintain inclusivity and openness so that people with diverse identities and orientations can interact safely and joyfully in a shared space.
We love answering the question, “Are there others like me?” Yes. Here we are. Here in the Republic of Korea.
FAQs
- How do I get involved?
Polyamory Korea functions as a Kakao Open Chat chatroom and that remains our main method of communication. If you have found this page, chances are you are already a part of the chat group as well!
For all discussions and questions regarding polyamory or ENM we have the main chatroom. For example, we have Thoughtful Thursdays every week to discuss a topic related to polyamory/ENM.
The main chat room is also where you will find announcements for events that will be held, whether they are being planned by members of the community or the staff, and other community announcements, like last-minute hangout invitations or kittens in need of foster homes. The staff are attempting to put one or two meet-ups on the calendar every month, usually in Seoul, but please feel free to put community events on the calendar yourself. It’s encouraged!
In an effort to keep the main chat easy to read and follow, we have also created a breakout Kakao Open Chat room where community members can chat, post pictures, and have discussions that are not necessarily related to polyamory. Joining this chat room is optional (but pretty fun).
- How is the organization moderated?
The admins are the official moderators, decision makers, and event organizers of this community; that said, our community members often help us. You may find our introductions here on the website—feel free to write your own there too! If you would like to consult with the admins for any reason, there is a separate Kakao Open Chat room where you may join and chat with us; once the conversation is resolved, leave that room so that it is available and anonymous for the next member who may have questions or concerns.
The admins moderate the main chat directly, moderate the breakout room when notified of potential issues, look to remediate any conflicts that may arise, and plan community events. The admins hold open meetings annually in order to get feedback from the members as to how we may better understand what the community needs and wants.
- Do I need to be polyamorous or non-monogamous to join the community?
Not at all! If you’re curious about non-monogamy and want to know more about it, you’ve found the right place. Here on the website you can find our philosophy and links to resources like books to read, audiobooks to listen to, and Instagram pages to follow in order to learn more.
Philosophy
Our Philosophy of Polyamory?
This is a brief discussion on the topic, and by no means exhaustive… that would require a book.
You’ve found our group of polyamorous (& more) people in Korea, and you may be wondering… what do you mean by “polyamory”? This write up is an attempt to answer that question as best we can for our group. However, it is primarily an articulation by this author, Gimli, so it will focus on the aspects I generally find most important. Still, I will try to bring in contributions from others in our group that come out of our conversations trying to figure out what it is we’re talking about.
It is tricky to discuss what we mean by the term “polyamory” because it is a relatively new concept to global society. Even though there have been other forms of non-monogamy throughout history, they are all a little different from how most of the polyamory community define themselves today. For example, polygamy is about multiple marriages (historically closer to polygyny where one man has many wives), and that is not what our group strives to emulate because it tends to (though not always) involve oppressive power dynamics. Still there is no community consensus on what polyamory is entirely. Even within our group you may get a different definition from each individual you ask, and since our community is also open to those who aren’t polyamorous but may be poly-curious, we extend our boundaries beyond polyamory. We include many others under the larger non-monogamy umbrella. Still, there are general agreements about what polyamory is. This definition from Leanne Yau at polyphilia.com sums it up well:
“Polyamory is one type of relationship style that falls under the umbrella of ethical non-monogamy. So, all polyamory is ethical non-monogamy, but not all ethical non-monogamy is polyamory. Polyamory specifically refers to multiple loving relationships, whereas ethical non-monogamy is any arrangement where people have multiple consensual romantic, sexual, and/or intimate connections.”
I have found it helpful for myself to understand the “amory” part of the word that refers to love. Because I believe love is not a finite resource like a pie, my love for one person does not diminish my love for others. I am capable of feeling and nurturing love with more than just my wife, and each of those partners hold the same value in my heart even if the flavor of each of those loves is slightly different. My love is not bound by the limits of a monogamous structure or the oppressive nature of the cis-hetero patriarchal institution that is marriage. Love is much bigger and complex than that. I also consider the way my love stretches to friends and platonic relationships, not just familial or lovey-dovey relationships (or romantic relationships if you want to use the term tied up in the monogamous myth, “romance”). Some of our members especially enjoy that fluidity! Not only can I nurture love in multiple relationships, but I am happy for my partners to explore that love platonically and sexually with other partners beyond their relationship with me! This is a kind of communal liberation.
That is also why I consider myself to “be polyamorous”, because I believe love is infinite whether or not I am currently in relationships with multiple people. I am not suddenly monogamous if one of my relationships ends, and likely neither are you. But not everyone in our community considers themselves to be polyamorous. While I would likely be unable to enjoy a relationship with someone that tried to force me to be monogamous, some of our members define themselves as ambi-amorous. They might be willing to be monogamous at times while also being able to manage polyamorous relationships. For them they might call it a choice. We’re a diverse group! That will become abundantly clear if you get to know us.
I mentioned above that polyamory is not the same as polygamy. It is also helpful to be clear about some things that polyamory is not:
- Polyamory is not cheating, but there is cheating in polyamory! Building a healthy polyamorous relationship requires communication and agreements. Anyone who lies and deceives their partner, who breaks their agreements and refuses to tell their partner is cheating, and this is not welcome in our polyamory community. Polyamory must be consensual in that all partners involved should know and consent to the fact they are engaging in polyamory or non-monogamy. Doing this by coercion creates toxic relationships, wounds, and is not welcome in our community.
- Polyamory is not a big orgy. We are not all having sex with each other. Some of our members do engage in group play, but even in those situations expectations, boundaries, and consent are clearly communicated. Some polyamorous people only ever have two committed long-term partners with whom they are sexually active.
- Being polyamorous does not mean never feeling jealousy. There are some fortunate individuals who do not experience much jealousy. Most polyamorous people do experience it, and that’s okay. The question is about how you deal with jealousy. What does it tell you about yourself, your fears and your values? How can you find assurance that your partners still love you and commit to you while you also honor their freedom to explore love with others?
- Being polyamorous is not the same as being perfect! We are all figuring out this new relationship structure together. When there are mistakes it is important to talk about them, validate hurt feelings and impact, and recommit ourselves to a trusting relationship. We all make mistakes, even those who have been polyamorous for years! We will all help to better understand each other, better value each other, and get better at nurturing the abundant love around us.